Pssst, heard any good ones recently?

[jkeny]

Three blondes were all applying for the last available position for a Garda detective.

The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said,

"So y'all want to be cops, huh?"

The blondes all nodded.

The detective got up, opened a file drawer, and pulled out a folder.
Sitting back down, he opened it, pulled out a picture, and said,

"To be a detective, you have to be able to detect.

You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities like scars and so forth."

So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it after about two seconds.

"Now,"

he said,

"did you notice any distinguishing features about this man?"

The blonde immediately said,

"Yes, I did. He has only one eye!"

The detective shook his head and said,

"Of course he has only one eye in this picture!
It's a profile of his face!

You're dismissed!"

The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.

The detective then turned to the second blonde, stuck the photo in her face for two seconds, pulled it back, and said,

"What about you? Notice anything unusual or Outstanding about this man?"

"Yes! He only has one ear!"

The detective put his head in his hands and exclaimed,

"Didn't you hear what I just told the other lady?

This is a profile of the man's face! Of course you can only see one ear!

You're excused too!"

The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.

The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde and said,

"This is probably a waste of time, but...."

He flashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying,

"All right, did you notice anything distinguishing or Unusual about this man?"

The blonde said,

"I sure did. This man wears contact lenses.

" The detective frowned, took another look at the picture, and began looking at some of the papers in the folder.

He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled expression and said,
"You're absolutely right!

His bio says he wears contacts!

How in the world could you tell that by looking at his picture?"

The blonde rolled her eyes and said,

"Well, Hellooooooooooooo! With only
One eye and one ear, he certainly can't wear glasses."

[jkeny]

Great organisation to work for
This is unbelievable, but can you imagine working for a company that
has a little more than 600 employees and has the following employee
statistics..

29 have been accused of spouse abuse

7 have been arrested for fraud

9 have been accused of writing bad cheques

17 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses

3 have done time for assault

71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit

14 have been arrested on drug-related charges

8 have been arrested for shoplifting

21 are currently defendants in lawsuits

84 have been arrested for drink driving in the last year and ....

collectively, this year alone, they have cost the British tax payer £92,993,748 in expenses!!!

Which organization is this?


It's the 635 members of the House of Commons, the same group that
cranks out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of
us in line.

And just to top all that they probably have the best 'corporate'
pension scheme in the country!!

This of course is a Urban legend email which originated here http://www.snopes.com/politics/crime/congress.asp

[jkeny]

We, of course, have a legislative body & government that are without flaw - just look at the number of offences any of them have been charged with - QED

We can't even take solace in the small retribution the brits get against the perps - all we can do is change the perpetrators for a different set at the next identity parade (or election as it is called).

[DancingPriest]

A blonde gets a job as a teacher.

On her first day of yard duty, she notices a boy standing all alone while other boys are running around having fun.
She takes pity on him and decides to 'make an intervention'.
"Are you okay all the way out here?" she asks....
"Yes miss, I'm fine..." the boy replies...
"Why don't you play with those other boys?" as she gestures to the merry group...
"I think i better stay here miss.." The boy answers sheepishly


"Why?" asks the blonde.


To which the young boy replies; "I'm the fucking goalie, miss"

[jkeny]

A mother is driving her little girl to her friend's house for a play date.

' Mommy ,' the little girl asks, 'how old are you?'

'Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,' the mother replied.
'It's not polite.'

'OK', the little girl says,
'How much do you weigh?'

'Now really,' the mother says,
'those are personal questions and are really none of your business.'

Undaunted, the little girl asks, 'Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?'

'That's enough questions, young lady! Honestly!'

The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.

' My Mom won't tell me anything about her,' the little girl says to her friend.

'Well,' says the friend,
'all you need to do is look at her driver's license.
It's like a report card, it has everything on it.'

Later that night the little girl says to her mother,
'I know how old you are. You are 32.'

The mother is surprised and asks,
'How did you find that out?

'I also know that you weigh 130 pounds.'

The mother is past surprised and shocked now.
'How in Heaven's name did you find that out?'

'And,' the little girl says triumphantly,
'I know why you and daddy got a divorce.'

'Oh really?' the mother asks. 'Why?'









'Because you got an F in sex.'

[jkeny]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZAg0lUYHHFc

[Ivor]

in a similar vein..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g3so6AJe ... re=related

[jkeny]

My wife said my penis closely resembled a Tic-Tac mint, she was
proud of her remark but stopped being smug when i asked her
why her sister still had bad breath

[k99_64]